DATELINE Winnipeg, MB (from The Woofington Post)
Foreign Money buys Dopeycrat Influence
Oddball cult of the Moosies uncovered
 November 5, 2000 -- Two days before the election, the true
extent ot the graft and corruption within the Dopeycrat Party ranks is coming to light.
Today it was revealed that the campaign has been accepting donations from foreign
influences, specifically the Basset Wannabes, which is described by Dopeycrats as a
Special Interest Group for the "ear challenged". While calling itself a SIG, in reality the Basset Wannabes are believed to be a small cult. Based in the distant and mythical land of Manitoba, the Disciples of Moose (or "Moosies") of the Moosification movement often attend basset picnics, where they recruit freely for their secret clan. Earlier this year, Moose himself is said to have had a representative at one such gathering where money and gifts were exchanged. Moosie spiritual leader, Speckles Oldfield-Harcus (shown here in front of the Moose Lodge of Winnypig), occasionally dons prosthetic ears as a sign of respect for his idol. It is said that Disciple of Moose initiates must endure torments including brainwashing, howling, and ritualistic ankle biting, followed by the evisceration of a small stuffed moose toy.
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Propaganda courtesy of the Dopeycrat 2000 campaign.
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