Augie NotAFoster's Presidential Platform

In the spirit of full disclosure, Dopeycratic Party Presidential Candidate Augustus Maximus NotAFoster (Augie NAF) hereby enumerates some of the fundamental elements of his campaign platform.   Herewith his positions on many topics of importance to the basset community:

Augie believes in strong Da Fence. Da Fence should be strong so as to keep others out thus securing more pigs ears for bassets. More should be spent on Da Fence so as to protect this great country from the Communist hoards that wish to prey on other countries and corner the pig ear market ... not to mention ridding our shores of all Vietnamese pot-bellied, stuff-stealing, pigs.

Economics.  Augie supports the trickle-down effects advocated by the Repuplicans.  Food slaves should prepare food on the counter and all (let me emphasize ALL) food should trickle down to basset level.  Augie also believes in supply side doodoo economics.   Give a hound a pig ear, and he will produce a copious supply of ... well, YOU know!

A green Environment is a must for a basset!  Where else does one go to the
bathroom.  A plush coat of grass must cover this country so that travelling bassets may piddle anywhere their hearts desire, comfortably.

Education.  Augie takes a firm stand on Education.  Spending will not be increased because bassets need no further education.  They ARE the smartest (except for his running mate) and most perfectly obedient --- er, well, the most PERFECT --- dogs.

Basset Assistance Program.  Augie favors putting 100,000 more basset rescuers on the streets to assist the masses of beleaguered volunteers rescuing bassets at present.

Planned Parenthood.  Every pupster should be planned.  But every bitch should have a choice.  No puppymills.  Never.   Under no circumstances.

Foreign Relations.  Hey, you wanna have relations with something "not basset" --- that's your business.  Your INFERIOR business.

Domestic Relations.  As in cooking and cleaning.   Augie loves it when there is something tasty being prepared in the kitchen.   And he believes that every basset is entitled to clean up the contents of the bowl or pan!

Welfare.  Augie does not believe in welfare.  He believes in "well-fed" -- and every basset's inalienable right to be well-fed.  Food ranks very, very high on Augie's priority list, as it does on Everybasset's.

Crime.  It would be a crime not to elect Augie NotAFoster.   If you don't vote for Augie, you don't deserve pig ears.  Vote early, vote often, and vote Y2K-9!

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