DATELINE Mars (from The Martian Times)

Mars Strategy Doomed

Dopeycrat voter registration drive fizzles

February 2, 2004 -- Loyal Dopeycrat campaign workers appeared unhappy about their failure to energize the Martian voting population.  

Said one highly ranked campaign strategist, "Somehow we miscalculated the importance of being first to Mars.  We thought that would be a winning move, but we haven't signed up a single new voter.  Perhaps we need to move the Rover to a more populated area?"  Another worker was overheard adding, "Yeah, like to earth perhaps?!?"

In a related story, a few Dopeycrats are getting concerned because their candidate da Moose has not been heard from since he landed on Mars last month.  Dopeycrat spokesbasset Myrtle Gilbert said that they had tried to ping the candidate several times, but so far he had failed to respond.  Mathematicians were calculating the speed that a single ping would have to travel to Mars and whether it was likely to arrive intact.

Meanwhile NASA officials continued to play down the Dopeycrat attempt to upstage their current unmanned efforts on Mars. "Well, It's not like they've put INTELLIGENT life on Mars" sniped one scientist a little peevishly.

Dopeycrats are still working on how they can get their candidate back to earth.  Baked beans (and plenty of them) were said to be one option under discussion.  

Clearly dopey continues to best describe this party.

Propaganda courtesy of the Dopeycrat 2004 campaign.