DATELINE Manchester, NH (from The Manchester Slimes-Patoonion)

Dopeycrat Candidate Missing

Dopey supporters clueless

January 24, 2004 -- After a better-than-expected showing in the Iowa caucuses, Dopeycrat supporters expected candidate da Moose to make a triumphant campaign sweep through New Hampshire. But the candidate never appeared, and hasn't been heard from in days.

Dopeycrat spokesbasset Myrtle Gilbert, fresh from a three-year "vacation" at a sanitarium in Washington state, put a brave face on the situation, saying only that da Moose was focused and confident.  She added that she fully expected the Dopeycrats to do well in the first primary of 2004.

Reporters noted that Gilbert appeared nervous and her eyes were bloodshot, leading some to speculate that unless her candidate made an appearance soon, the Dopeycrat spokesbasset's rock-eating recovery days were likely to be short-lived.

Propaganda courtesy of the Dopeycrat 2004 campaign.