DATELINE Charleston, SC (from The National Extorter)

Anti-Counter Crusade Bribes Revealed

Dopeycrat Campaign Chairman expresses concern

August 21, 2000 -- Less than a week after being named to the Dopeycrat ticket, more controversy surrounds da Moose.  Greg Gilbert esq., Campaign Finance Chairman for the Dopeycrat party, revealed today that he had received a letter from the Anti-Counter Cruise Crusade of the Steal Industry, along with a large check in support of the Dopeycratic ticket. 

Privately, Gilbert expressed concern about the VP candidate's qualifications and integrity, stating that he thinks that Moose "is likely to be tempted by the ACC Crusade as he starts to enjoy the pigs ears bought by the money from the slush fund."    

Gilbert went on to say that he is "not convinced that he (Moose) really understands the issues, or even the purpose of this campaign.  I think he's just in it for the parties and the food!!!"  In Gilbert's opinion, "the choice of da Moose as a running mate was an obvious political ploy by ANAF to win over the Dopeycrat vote."

The text of the letter from the Steal Industry representative follows:

Dear Mr. Gilbert, Campaign Finance Chairman

My name is Theeven Stoppit and I represent the Steal Industry. Our "Anti-Counter Cruise" crusade is aimed at stopping the uncontrolled counter cruising and food stealing in the basset community. The Steal Industry believes in regulating all morsels, crumbs and turkey legs that are misappropriated by bassets each year. We are NOT anti-basset. We just feel that the Federal Government must curb this behavior by legislating restrictions in this previously unregulated area. Any basset not complying with our proposed legislation will be forced to WORK for their dog food and treats.

Towards that end, I have enclosed a cash donation of $100 towards the campaign of Augie NAF and da Moose. I trust that this slush fund will buy the candidates enough pigs ears and rawhide chews that they will support our cause.

And we hereby pledge that we will match all legitimate donations to the Augie NAF and Moose campaign up to $500.

Yours in campaign corruption,
Theeven Stoppit, Steal Industry Rep and
Chairman of the "Anti-Counter Cruise" crusade

Propaganda courtesy of the Dopeycrat 2000 campaign.