September 1, 2000 -- On a campaign swing through Pelzer,
SC, Dopeycrat Augie NotAFoster reacted publicly to the news that consumer activist Ralph
Nader had mobilized his "Green Party" to try to capture the White House in the
upcoming Presidential elections. "I am not worried that Nader will be successful in
his efforts to split the Basset vote. Although we are color-blind, we are not stupid.
Grass is green, frogs are green, and peas (yuk) are green. Bassets are black,
brown, lemon, and/or white, they have nothing to gain by going green." Dopeycrat
VP candidate Moose concurred, "Not stupid. No no. Moose dopey.
Dopey dopey dopey." Aides quickly slipped a muzzle on da Moose, apparently
unnoticed by the Presidential candidate.
NotAFoster then downplayed Nader's contributions to the consumer safety field by adding
"when was the last time YOU heard Ralph Nader issuing warnings on mushy chewies,
tasteless treats, or choke collars?" The muzzled VP candidate added, "Cwzp
Dlunp. Fpgm Bwwjp. Fpgm fpgm."
As they were leaving the press conference, NotAFoster was overheard muttering that
"the Today Show was happy to talk to a bi-ped who is pretending to be green. Why
doesn't Matt Lauer want to talk to US? Perhaps this country is prejudiced against
the long-eared?"
As has been the case throughout this highly charged campaign, the special interest
groups were quick to counterattack. Appearing on Nightline, Chumpy Frawg, spokesfrog
for the Amphibial Defamation League was indignant. "Merde! Where
do they come off insulting us frogs like that? Mon dieu! Comparing us
with peas? Mais non! They'll be hearing from frog lovers everywhere! C'est
slanderous!!"
Tormented by an inexplicable desire for cuisses de grenouilles, at the
commercial break Ted Koppel discretely phoned Lutèce
for a late night reservation.