DATELINE Steilacoom, WA (from The National Extorter)
Dopeycrat Spokesbasset is Nuts!
Campaign incompetence destroys what combat couldn't
 October 19, 2000 -- Exclusive to the National
Extorter!! Contradicting all the flimsy Dopeycrat stories, we've managed to track
down Spokesbasset Myrtle Gilbert. On promise of anonymity, a Dopeycrat insider
confided that Gilbert had very nearly suffered a nervous breakdown on October 5th after
the Vice Presidential Debate snafu. She was quietly taken away and has since been
kept muzzled in a small room in a Sanitarium in Washington State.It is all the more astonishing given her distinguished service record in the war, where according to her biographer, Myrtle Gilbert served as a Navy helicopter pilot and received a Silver Star with five oak leaf clusters and a Bronze star with an oak leaf cluster for heroism. During a fire fight, she single-handedly tended to and evacuated a company of Marines who had been ambushed by the enemy. The first two flights she made in she was escorted by two Cobra Gunships. The last four flights, she had to fly solo. Her co-pilot was severely injured, her gunners killed, and her medics mortally wounded. She was awarded the Bronze Star for making two additional sorties, under fire, to save
the crews of the Gunships shot down while escorting her. Upon returning, her
helicopter was badly damaged and before she got back to the hospital ship she had to ditch
in the choppy gulf waters. Myrtle Gilbert kept the Marines from those Gunships alive
until a rescue boat could be dispatched to save them. For her acts of bravery, Gilbert received a battlefield commission from Warrant Officer to Lieutenant in the USN. Myrtle Gilbert is proud of her service, but does not like to discuss it often. She often wears a muzzle to prevent her from eating rocks. She had to eat rocks to survive her long years as a POW. The Extorter has gotten this smuggled photo of Spokesbasset Gilbert from the Sanitarium. How terribly sad that she has now come to this.
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Propaganda courtesy of the Dopeycrat 2000 campaign.
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