Dopeycrat Candidate Shocker

Buddy Boo Rea, father of LaFoot Rea (infamous for his horrorscopic advice to Dopeycrat VP candidate Moose) has provided The National Extorter with unlimited access to his files and to the "ladies" who work at the "Basset Whorehouse" in Columbia, SC.  

Rea even produced a photo of the candidate outside the establishment, decked out in trademark tophat and tails, looking furtively over his shoulder as if to ensure he was not being observed.  All evidence seems to confirm Rea's allegations that the Presidential Candidate himself spent a considerable time at this house of ill repute. 

Rea went on to explain that Augie had originally wandered into the former Warehouse asking for directions.  Instead he found himself in a den of inequity where his every desire was met.  The joint was teeming with milkbones and rawhide chewies, and a "two pigear" minimum cover ensured a porcine high for all.  It was there that the Presidential Candidate met and fell for Buddy Boo himself.

Buddy Boo, known to flaunt feather boas, high heels and tight spandex (in private of course) proved to be everything the staid candidate was not.  According to Rea, Augie fell, and fell hard.  In subsequent weeks, Augie spent every possible moment at the establishment, often buying round after round of pig ears for everyone present.  When Augie's credit eventually ran out, Rea lost patience with the overt neediness of the Dopeycrat and threatened to throw him out.  Augie begged to stay, arguing that he could always get more money from his political slush funds.

From that point forward, Rea grew increasingly frustrated with Augie's demands. When Rea finally proclaimed his intentions to go public, things really got ugly.  By then, Dopeycrat insiders had gotten wind of the whole caper.  Tipped off by the candidate's sister Holly Noel, a group of commandos headed up by Myrtle Gilbert raided the Basset Whorehouse and dragged the candidate away for deprogramming. 

As a cover, the Dopeycrat guerillas planted incriminating packets of frozen venison and rabbit, and then called the police to raid the establishment.  Rea said that he was actually detained for several days until it finally occurred to him that he could bribe the officers with the frozen treats in exchange for his freedom.

Fearing Augie's indiscretions might hit the newspapers, Myrtle fabricated a story alleging she had been sent to a mental hospital in Washington state.   National newpapers, including this one, provided widespread coverage of this falsehood.

Buddy Boo Rea suspects that Augie NotAFoster has been thoroughly brainwashed by now and will almost certainly deny any knowledge or involvement with the establishment.  Claiming to have evidence and signed receipts, Rea intends to drag the Dopeycrat candidate into court to recover his losses.  And of course, Rea's tell-all book is well underway and should be published before year end.  It will be followed by a mini-series to be aired during television's spring sweeps.

With the election less than a week away, what impact might this story have on the Dopeycrat party's chances?  It certainly makes for an interesting new twist.  Will Augie be forced to withdraw from the race?  Could someone pass those venison and rabbit treats?  Mmmmmm.  Hey, is anyone hungry for moose?

So what should one make of such an elaborate but weak plotline?  Perhaps it represents unbridled intrigue and lust at the lowest levels.  Or maybe we just couldn't think of anything else to write about today.